Poetree

Hello there,

I've never been much of a blogger, but here goes nothing:

2 Minutes until midnight and the new week begins. I just finished doing Wardrobe for Haunted, a Love Story. No more checking in costumes and sitting backstage or painting emo make-up on the boys of the cast who can't do their own eye-liner anymore. Although it was quite fun to lather on the thick black goop under their eyes I will be much happier having my 5:30-9 slot of the day open again, oh TA 50.... This experience did give me a new perspective on a performance, there is so much that goes on around the actor, so many other people working their asses off to make the show run smooth and make those people look good on stage. It's such a delicate balance, and an interesting sight to watch. I remember sitting in the theatre during dress rehearsal watching the actors on stage, the technicians scrambling around on the grid, the stage manager calling cues from the back of the theatre and thinking, "WOW, the theatre is like a mini-world, there is a place for every kind of person, and a job they can succeed at." But where do I fit in? I've always considered myself an actor and recently had the opportunity to direct, but the technical side and the managing side are just things I can't see myself doing, or rather enjoying. Actors get to play- literally, PLAY, how much more fun can you have than to play? But Actors work so hard, having to always be "on" and remember their lines and cues and switch costumes and characters and project and basically dazzle the audience so they can pay attention long enough to try and grab their attention to convey whatever message they are trying to. I have so much props for actors who go out there when they aren't feeling it, one girl in Haunted was super sick this whole week-end, sipping tea and staying quiet, mouthing her sentences to us so she could save her croaky voice for the stage.  That shows some serious dedication to go out there and give it your all when you feel the worst. It always goes back to that saying "the show must go on" and I really feel that's an appropriate metaphor for life too. Your life is like a play, and if you don't show up there's now show. And then all these other people who have been working on the performance are let down, and all the audience members that came to see you won't get the chance, what are you missing out on giving them and what are they missing out on receiving? I try to remember this whenever I feel crappy about life, that no matter what I 've got to show up and do my best because this is my performance and I've got the staring role. 

I went to a poetry slam a month ago and combined a piece I wrote a year ago and a song I wrote recently so this is my most recent work in word form. I totally took a risk performing, I wasn't expecting anything I just wanted to take a really big chance and see what happened. But it felt sooooooo good to get up there and speak my own words, there is definitely something to be said about performing your own work as opposed to someone else's. I'm working on a play for chautauqua hopefully, I really like the idea of making my own stuff, inspired by others as an inspiration for others, so let this be an inspiration for you:

There's a bright light

I almost didn't make it here tonight

I almost slumped back into the familiar painful place 

that I long to escape

but just keep sinking deeper and deeper

but I made this choice

I'm feeling my voice

there's something rising up and telling me

to feel something beyond what I can see

and I'm here now and I am free

There's that calm before the storm 

where all the work and preparation that you've done before

doesn't matter anymore

because as soon as you step on stage you just gotta go for it

because how truly beautiful is the mere act of living

when we shine light upon the existence of the soul

you think the stage is a place to contained and entertained

a place to let go but hold back, but who cares cuz it's all the same

Well let me be raw, let me be real

let be me up feeling what it's like to feel

Arise, awaken, this is your life you should be taking

and making every second beautiful, spiritual, uncontrollable and portable-

in the sense that everywhere you go, there you are

you are a shooting star

a firefly in a jar

and no matter how far you go

you'll always now that your light will shine bright 

from in the inside out

and that you can't ever doubt

because then you'll never find out

how bright you really are

There's a bright light

and I'm certain it's alright

if I was hurting tonight

because there's a bright light

There's a bright light

I'm feeling it's alright

because I'm healing tonight

because I see a bright light

There's a bright light 

and I'm yearning tonight

to be learning that it's alright

because I am a bright light